cook booksI hate cooking. Well, to be more specific, I HATE having to come up with menu items to cook. And shopping for the ingredients? Forget it! (You can read all about that in my post about going to the grocery store.) 

I really do try to cook things that I think everyone (including myself, shockingly) will enjoy, but most of the time it isn’t worth the effort. Unless I make mac n’ cheese, hot dogs, or pizza, someone is going to have some sort of issue with it, and even then, that’s not one hundred percent.

I also try to keep some sort of precooked, frozen chicken, or raviolis, or pizza in the freezer for those days when I just don’t feel like cooking. Unfortunately, those days happen quite often and anything like that is generally used within the first week of my purchasing it.

Every three months or so, the shopping list and the sale items and the coupons all fall in line, and I have everything planned out for two or three meals. It’s wonderful! For about twelve days out of 365, I’ve got it down. As for the other 353 days? Well, here’s an idea of a typical day in the kitchen for me:

  • 8:40am – Somehow manage to get the kids on the bus.
  • 8:42am – Head to kitchen and remember that I never cleaned up from dinner last night.
  • 8:45am – Procrastinate cleaning up by checking email, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, news, weather, and anything else I can think of that I’ve been meaning to look up but keep forgetting, despite the fact that I am on a computer for more hours every day than I care to admit.
  • 10:00am – Damnit!
  • 10:02am – Clean up from last night’s dinner
  • 10:30am – Stare longingly into refrigerator hoping something will jump out at me yelling, Cook me! Cook me!
  • 10:45am – Not happening. Give up.
  • 10:46am – Figure I have a little bit of time before I have to take anything out of the freezer, so I go on Pinterest and Allrecipes to find something to make.
  • 11:35am – Damnit!!
  • 11:36am – Realize that there is some errand or something that I forgot I needed to do. Go do errand. Forget to take something out of the freezer to defrost before I leave.
  • 1:00pm – Get back from errand. Stand in front of pantry hoping something will jump out at me yelling, Cook me! Cook me!
  • 1:05pm – Realize that if it didn’t work with the fridge, it’s not going to work with the pantry.
  • 1:06pm – Remember that I have three baskets of clean laundry I need to fold.
  • 1:07pm – Fold laundry… Haha! Just kidding! Internet.
  • 1:55pm – Actually find a recipe online that I can make!
  • 1:56pm – Discover I’m missing key ingredient. Consider making it work with a substitute ingredient. Decide that chicken stock mixed with ketchup and Worcestershire sauce will not make a suitable substitute for soy sauce.
  • 2:00pm – Look at actual cookbooks.
  • 2:05pm – Back to the internet. Stare at computer screen hoping recipe will jump out… okay, I know this doesn’t work, so just knock it off already!
  • 2:06pm – Waste the rest of the afternoon doing Lord knows what.
  • 4:00pm – Get kids off bus.
  • 4:10pm – Get annoyed with kids when they ask, “What’s for dinner?” and answer them with, “Food! Okay? All you need to know is that your bellies will be full of food before you go to bed!”
  • 4:15pm – Rummage through freezer hoping I have some sort of heat-and-eat meal.
  • 4:16pm – Nope.
  • 4:30pm – Running out of time and options, make some sort of sandwich or wrap out of whatever I can find. Pair with chips and carrot sticks.
  • 5:00pm – Serve dinner. Listen to inevitable complaints from at least one child. Swear I will be more prepared tomorrow.
  • 8:40am (the next day): Repeat.

(And that’s on the days I don’t work, so on the days I do work, you can times that by ten.)

To give you an even better idea of my skills and organization in the kitchen, here’s a picture of my recipes. I often tell myself that I’m going to organize them, type them all out, and put them in a binder. Most of them are just scraps of paper with nothing but a list of ingredients.

recipes

In all seriousness, I know that I should consider myself lucky. We have money to put food on the table, and despite their complaining, my kids actually do eat pretty much whatever I put in front of them.

I still just can’t help thinking back to when I was a kid. I remember watching reruns of Lost in Space, and there was one episode where they each took a pill that contained an entire meal. That’s what I want. A meal in a pill. That’s the dream!

But since that isn’t likely going to happen any time soon, I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. I mean, my kids are growing, so I must be doing something right. Right?

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